Elijah is a relatively content baby, and after hearing horror stories of hours of inconsolable crying from other parents to confirm this fact, I realize we have much to be thankful for. Therefore, I find it to be mildly pathetic that I am annoyed after only ten or fifteen minutes of his expressing his discomfort. Yet I still find frustration to be a common occurrence.
To be honest, I've found the toughest part of being a parent (at least at this point), has nothing to do with parenting, but with the constant exposure of my weakest parts: my selfishness, my pride, my laziness. I'm constantly reminded, despite my spiritual growth over the past few years, of how "un-Christ-like" I really am. Periodically, I look up into the sky and remark to God, "I feel like I'm not cut out for this."
Yesterday I had one of those moments as I lay on the floor guiltily listening to my child pitch a fit in his crib after I lay him down for the night. But after a few minutes, Elijah calmed down, so I got up from the floor and knelt down by his crib.
Elijah looked at me with wide eyes as I expressed through tearful
regret a whispered, "I'm sorry I'm not the dad I should be."
His attentive expression slowly turned into an adorable smile as he gave me a soft giggle as to say, "I love you Daddy." I think right there my heart melted.... I think I love being a dad.
3 comments:
Very sweet Billy. You are doing a great job. Keep seeking God and he will faithfully keep leading you.
I just wanted to let you know I don't think there are any Dads who think they're the one they should and could be, not even Super-Dobson. All we can do is talk it out with Dads we want to be like, read good books on how to be a Dad, and read the BEST book about the Dad we could be. I think you're doing a fine job.
Billy, you are so sweet. Thank you for sharing this encouraging post.
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