Call the Cops

This evening, Stephanie showed the family a photo of her step-brother in his new police officer’s uniform. Aubrey, who is enamored with her Uncle Cameron and his ability to be a human jungle gym, quickly pipped up and said, "I hope someone breaks into our house so Cameron will come and give me a hug."

I’m sure there are less invasive ways to encourage a visit from a relative…

Sparkly Unicorn

This season we decided to put both Elijah AND Aubrey into Madison County Soccer. I ended up volunteering for assistant coach on Elijah's team, The Gators (yes, Michael the head coach is a Florida Gators fan). But Aubrey's coach let the kids pick, although I didn't quite understand this at first. On the way to her second practice, she announced, "I want to be on the unicorn team." Apparently that was one girl's suggestion: The Sparkly Unicorns. I'm sure all the boys voted against that one, though.

So after soccer practice, even though I overheard several parents commenting how they enjoyed that option, Aubrey lamented that the vote didn't go her way. However, Jaguars makes a much more fearsome opponent.

Then, on the way home, my pretty little daughter tooted in the back seat and inquired, "Do you wish you were this chair?" Yeah, that was hardly sparkly unicorn behavior.

"You did what in your cup?"

 So a while back I took both the boys to their doctor's appointment. Today, it was Aubrey's turn. So my little girl prepared for her visit by packing all the necessities for a doctor's appointment. Blankets, a stuffed valentine bear, a few family photos, her Stellaluna book, and a candy cane ornament. The doctor and nurse found it amusing. It was rather cute to see the arrangement.

So, while Elijah watched over his brother, I took Aubrey into the bathroom to pee in a cup. Afterward, the doctor asked her, "Did you pee in a cup?" I answered, "She did." Aubrey then added, "And I peed on Daddy's hand too." Everyone laughed at that.

Later on, Aubrey asked for a cup of water. The nurse brought her some in a paper cup. As she was drinking, Elijah noticed something. "Hey," he announced, "your drinking out of your pee cup." Aubrey stopped and looked at her empty cup in disgust as she noticed the similarities. Then we all bust out laughing.

Childhood Theology

Joshua is always faithful to remind us if we forget the blessing, folding his little hands and telling us, "Bessin."


Often, I try to take the kids through theological questions (the Neal Catechism) or reciting Bible verses; always trying to hammer the basics into their impressionable brains. As Mark Driscoll used to say, I want to make sure they don't miss the big "E" on the eye chart.

Anyway, Elijah learned most of them when he was four and five, and now Aubrey has really gotten into it, often asking me every night, "Can you ask us how many Gods are there?" And thus, we launch into it. And she has picked up on most of them pretty quick.

Afterwards, she wants to talk about "Eden and Av" in the garden. It's adorably cute.
"God told Eden and Av to eat all the trees in the garden except one because it was special. Then was a snake was there and it was evil and told Eden to eat it. Them took it... Eden took one piece and Av took one piece. Then, them didn't have any clothes, so they built clothes. And then, them got sent out of the garden and God put two angels there and fire swords in their hands. Amen."

Helpful Attitude

Aubrey has recently taken a great identity in being "a good helper" and a "good cleaner upper." She helped me unload the car last weekend after our lake trip, pulling luggage that was often too big for her. But it is a delight to have her take such pride in cleaning her room, even folding and putting her clothes away. Once she gets started, she goes all out, getting it ready "to vacuum." Makes me proud... just like her Daddy who organized the games and game closet of the Lake House we stayed at this weekend... I just couldn't help myself. Can't stand seeing everything in disarray

Sweet Moments, Part 1

Password Needed
Stephanie informed me of a short but humorous exchange between her and her daughter last Friday:
Aubrey announced to her mother, "God doesn't know everything that I'm thinking."

Stephanie quickly corrected her. "Oh, Yes He does."
Without hesitation she replied, "But I didn't give him my password."


Funny Wordin
Aubrey has recently started choosing things by the "eeny, miny, moe," method, but hers seems to be a little different. "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Ketchup on a toe."

In July, I was reading Joshua a book. "Whats this?" I asked, pointing to a snowflake. "Elsa!" He exclaimed.

Kids are impressionable, and Joshua picks up bad things from both his parents and his siblings. "Shup!" he yells at the dogs to tell them to be quiet.
"Mean Daddy." He'll say randomly. I doubt he really knows what it means, but he hears his brother and sister get in trouble enough to know it, and Aubrey likes to throw it in her rotation of things to get Joshua to say in the car. ("Jay, say 'Banana!'" "Bah-na-na." "Good!")

"Top it, Daddy." He tells me whenever I start to annoy him or sing the Frozen songs in an annoying voice.

"Pah-kuh!" he shouts, as he raises his Popsicle in the air with victory, and the rest of the family joins in.

Often, Jay wakes up, and comes in the Living Room in the morning with droopy eyes, as if he is still waiting for his cup of coffee. The first thing out of his mouth is usually, "Whe-uh my pah-cee go?"

Early this summer, Elijah askied, "Have I had a sleep over with Kingston and Kali?" Then after a pause he answered his own question, "I think so."
Aubrey piped up, "Whose Kingston and Kali? I don't remember."
Finding this rather strange, I said, "Uh... Mrs Jessica's kids. Little brother named Korbin."
Remembering his blonde curly hair, she asked, "The one with the noodle hair?"

We waiting until after Aubrey was four before she made her start using big kid toothpaste. We were with some friends when Aubrey randomly announced that she "could spit." We understood she was referring to the fact she now used big girl toothpaste, but no one had any context.

Not that long ago I went in to tuck Aubrey in and got a hygiene reminder after I brushed her leg with a fingernail. "Hey Daddy, you huwt me. You need to cut yous finguh nails."


Our Public Schools Are Failing Us
At the end of last year, we were riding in the van when Elijah announced: "I think I can name all the constinents: Asia, Africa, Alabama, North America, South America... Is that right, Mama?"


Appeal to Educational Value
After not getting to listen to what she wanted to listen to in the card and Elijah did, she expressed her frustration by belittling the educational quality of his choice. "Adventuhs in Odyssey teaches you bout nothin!" she said with a pouty face.


A Pixar Perspective
Aubrey, after seeing the movie "Inside Out" saw some red buttons and said, "Those buttons are anger."


Reptile Salutations
Last month, Joshua bid me farewell by saying, "Bye, bye, aygatuh tahtodiyo (aligator, crocodile)." He put together "See you later, Alligator. After awhile, Crocodile."


Letters
After our friend Ellie and her three kids left after a Friday hangout in August, Elijah decided he wanted to make a card for his friend Memphis (I'll give you three guesses what Elijah's love language is). Naturally Aubrey began making one for her equivalent: Myah. Then Jay followed with wanting to make a card for the youngest Bradshaw, "Bae-Bae Max!"

Elijah, Aubrey and Joshua and their counterpart buddies in the Bradshaw family: Memphis, Myah, and Max; all enjoying a watermelon treat. We were hoping for a better Kodak moment, but we were all a sweaty mess as soon as we walked out into the muggy August evening.

Update on Jackie
Aubrey has had an imaginary friend that occasionally visits. Creeps her Aunt Riya out. So we make sure to text Miriya anytime Aubrey informs us that Jackie has gone to Florida without us. Sometime in July, Stephanie sent me this text: "Jackie was apparently hurt in an army battle while protecting the queen."


Joke Time:
Every kid loves the knock, knock joke: "Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interrup... MOOO!" And each child has tried to master it. One evening Aubrey was rehearsing it over and over again in the bathtub. Joshua would try the abbreviated version by balling up his little fists and drumming either side of his head while saying, "Knock, knock." And then after a short pause he would exclaim, "Mooo!"

Talk Like a Pirate 2015

Today was Talk Like a Pirate Day! And to celebrate such a widely celebrated holiday, Krispy Kreme once again gave away a dozen donuts to whoever came in dressed like a pirate. We got two dozen, gave one to the ladies at the library and shared one with some neighbors. Elijah, who had a little attitude problem missed out and had to watch the rest of us eat donuts. Stephanie and I split a pumpkin spice cake donut (so we did actually buy SOMETHING while we were there). That junk was good. Afterwards, Joshua slipped into a sugar comma with icing all over his face while we made our way to Danielsville in the van. So cute!

Aubrey Good Night Hugs

After getting all the kids to bed, both Elijah and Aubrey will call for me several times. After a several minute conversation with Elijah about death and heaven (not sure where this came from), Aubrey called me in to her room. I begrudgingly walked back in.

“What do you want, Aubrey?” I asked.

“I love you, Daddy.” she said in her sweet voice.

I smiled and knelt down by her bed and gave her a big hug. “I love you too.”

She hugged my neck tight and said, “Sleep with me, Daddy.”

Still embracing her and enjoying the tender moment I said, “I can’t, you’ll choke me.” Her hold was rather constricting.

“Don’t leave me, Daddy. Stay With Me.” She kept repeating these things over and over again. I closed my eyes and continued to hug her. Then she stopped, gave a short pause, and said, “Daddy… can you leave me now?”

And with that, I was given my leave.

Awana Sparky Award

Last night was Awards and Family Night at Comer Baptist for Awana. This year Aubrey was in Cubbies with Mrs. Brittney and her husband and Ms. Shannon. I have to confess I failed to work very hard on her verses with her, but she got a few of them down through the year. Funny part on her was that half-way through the year she had told her mother after refussing to eat her dinner, "I'm just going to get snacks at Awana." Well, Daddy put an end to that. I relayed the event to her teachers, and they graciously complied to a "no snack" policy for our little girl. There were a few times she ate her dinner and was allowed some snacks during the evening. It became routine for Brittney to ask me every Wednesday, "Did Aubrey eat her dinner?" And I would say, "Nope." And she would turn to Aubrey and say, "Your killin me Smalls!"

Elijah was blessed to have Mrs. Nedra as a teacher again, along with Mrs. Margaret and Mr. John. I had watched this couple the year before lead those kids with such enthusiasm that I was really looking forward to Elijah being in that class. Last year a boy down the street go the "Sparky Award" by finishing all three of his books in one year. I remember turning to Elijah and encouraging him to go for the same. And go he did. He would listen to his CD, foregoing story time at home sometimes or even game time at Awana to work on his verses. Not only did he end up devouring all three of his Sparks books, but he also finished the first review book and was going through the third (they didn't have the second... Mr. John didn't know when they had had some one use one). So, he without question earned his plague. Awesome Job, Prophet! And thank you to all His Awana teachers and Comer Baptist for serving this community in the name of Christ.

Some latest funnies...

Next
Earlier last month, Aubrey asked me, "Daddy, can we sell Peno and get a cute little puppy."

Famous Author
Around that same time, Stephanie showed Elijah her some of her latest craft creations, one of her Tree Hugger bookmarks, "I'm going to do one of Jesus," she told him. "Why?" Elijah asked, "He didn't write anything famous?" Ummmm.... I believe he quickly realized his mistake.

Walking with God
About a week later, talking with Elijah about what it means to be a disciple of Jesus, I explained that we follow Christ, we walk with God wherever he leads. "I don't want to walk with God part of the time, because I would get really tired." Or maybe God would.

Overstaying Our Welcome
Aubrey wanted to snuggle with her mother a few nights later, but quickly grew weary of her presence in her bed. "I weally tieuhd. Get outta my bed, Mama."

Which kid?
A day or two later, while we were getting the kids ready for bed, I called Aubrey into the bathroom to brush her teeth. "Yes, Mama." she said as she climbed up on the step stool. After a short pause she corrected herself, "I mean Daddy."

"That's okay, I mess up you guys' name all the time," thinking specifically about this evening when I kept calling Elijah, 'Jay.' "But I don't usually mess your name up, do I," I asked.

Pushing my hand away with the toothbrush so she could speak, she said, "When you see long chockey-milk haiuh, you say, 'Aubee.'"

Make Up What You Don't Know
The other night, when it seemed like no one was paying attention to the Bible story, I started quizzing the kids. Elijah started rattling off what he knew, and since this was regarding the Shepherd's hearing about the birth of Christ, Elijah recounted their proclamation, "Savannah and the highest"

Strange Gratitude
The next evening we were playing outside before bedtime. Earlier, Aubrey had turned up her nose at a new soup meal at dinner time, but thought to thank her mom sometime later in this manner. "Thank you for making the yukky dinner tonight, Mama." What a delight.

Aubrey's Audibles, Part 9

Funny Wordin

"Tinkatules" - tentacles

"Pahs-ghetti" - spaghetti

"Hopscotch" - the level, which the kids use as a walking stick

"I'll bwush youwse hayuhs" - I'll brush your hair."

I just love to hear her say stuff like, "youwse."

When she was out with Stephanie shopping not that long ago, she was sneaking and running around the store, telling her mom, "I seekee agent, Mama."

Child Theology

When Aubrey threw a tantrum and I put her in her bed, she called me "mean!" I told her, "The problem is in here," pointing to her heart. Her face scrunched up in defiance and said, "No! My heuht is happy. My face is not happy."

A few weeks ago we heard her in the back of the van telling us about he Bible. We tried to write down what we could, because it was a joy to hear. "God made the galaxy and Moses. Moses made an ark ship and then the disciples threw him in the sea. Then a big fish swallowed him up and he was there three days. Then the fish spit him up on the beach. Then God told the sea to stop. God can do anything."

After a falling out with her friend Leah earlier in the day, Aubrey stated in the van, "God made everybody," but under her breath she stated, "Except for Leah."

 "So who made Leah?" Stephanie asked her.

 "Moses."

My Sweet Dreams

I'd worked very late yesterday night, so tonight I was planning on going to be early. But before I climbed into bed, and yet after the kids were suppose to be trying to go to sleep, Elijah comes out and tells us he wants to sleep on the bottom bunk, so that he can listen to The Sweetest Story Bible CD, Aubrey's new pink Bible and CD set. "I know it's for girls," he told us, "but it's still about God."

 So we conceeded, and I soon got into bed, drifting off to sleep listening to The Sweetest Story Bible CD playing from Elijah's room, and Aubrey singing Jesus loves me. That provided some sweet dreams. Thank You, Lord.

Sibling Interaction

It's great to see this kids interacting with one another. Well, not always. Much of the time Elijah likes to pester Aubrey, like scarring her from around a corner, or turning out the lights when he's done washing his hands in the bathroom and she's just stepping up to the sink, or chasing her around the house with her releasing those ear piercing screams. And then Aubrey likes to pester both her brothers, especially Joshua who she won't hesitate to push over when he enters her personal space. Of course, she doesn't mind smothering him with a big hug even when he grunts and screams in protest. But Joshua is now returning the favor, taking her toys and walking off with a grin on his face. And he can be pretty mean too, like when he launches toys at people's heads.


But there are those sweet moments when they play well with one another. Apparently Elijah and Aubrey played very well the other day in their "fort" when Elijah stayed home on his "snow day." And I came home a few weeks ago to see all three kids huddled together on the couch watching Thomas the Train. And now that Elijah is starting to read, it's cute to see him reading to his siblings. Joshua LOVES Thomas.

A Good Father

"Youh the meanest daddy I ev-uh saw. He's a meany head!"' I heard Aubrey say from her room, even after I closed her door.

 

I had warned her to be quiet after she continued to fuss about wanting water after I told her "no" because she disobeyed me and got out of bed while I was tucking Elijah into bed. It's become her MO to get up a few times after being tucked in. Usually it is an afterthought of needing to potty, get a drink of water, get a tissue, to "tell us something", or all of the above. So anyway...

To be honest, her response made me angry. Here I was, a loving father who provided her with a good meal earlier, water to drink, a warm bed to sleep in, a room of her own, toys to play with, and all the love I could pour out upon her, and because I withheld something good from her to teach her a more valuable lesson, she lashed out in anger and questioned my character. And at one point, I went back into her room and basically told her all that. Not sure it changed anything, but it eventually began to sink in for me.

 

How often we see God in our limited perspective and think and say horrible things about our Heavenly Father or question His character because he didn't do things the way we wanted him to. He's provided for us and given us way more than we either need or deserve. And yet the moment He withholds something from us, we question His goodness. Perhaps we don't do it directly with slanderous words towards Heaven, but when we react in anger towards circumstances that are not to our favor, we are doing the same thing. His thoughts and ways are beyond ours, and I need to do as Job and put my hand over my mouth before I say something I shouldn't.

“Indeed, my plans are not like your plans, and my deeds are not like your deeds, for just as the sky is higher than the earth, so my deeds are superior to your deeds and my plans superior to your plans."

-Isaiah 55:8,9

“Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let the person who accuses God give him an answer!” Then Job answered the Lord: “Indeed, I am completely unworthy – how could I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth to silence myself."

-Job 40:2-4

Aubrey's Audibles, Part 8

Interesting Perspective
Sometime after Christmas, we passed a car with reindeer antlers coming from the side windows. Aubrey pointed to them and exclaimed, "Olaf hands." (To those that don't know, Olaf is the snowman in the movie Frozen)

Troubles Being a Girl
Not too long ago, Aubrey expressed her great frustration at living in a house with boys. With great emphasis, she said, "E always leave the seat the wong way!"

Jokes
During dinner a few weeks ago, Stephanie and I were trying to teach Elijah the fine art of humor after painfully sitting through several of his improve jokes. Stephanie told one of her favorites knock-knock jokes, the interrupting cow. The kids enjoyed it, and later we head Aubrey in the bath tube retelling it to herself. "Knock, knock. Whobody dere? Knock, knock. Whobody dere? Cow. Moooo!"

Yoda Talk
Playing hide and seek, the other day with Elijah, Aubrey yells, "Ready I come or not."

A Little Disgusting
The other night after I tucked Aubrey in, she called out for a tissue. When I came in her room carrying the requested item, she told me, "I got a big bugguh. I need to smoosh it for a long time so it is weal flat like a cookie." Nice.

Names
"What's your purple bears name?" I asked her this morning as we lay in her bed together.
"Pumpkin!" Aubrey answered, obviously making it up on the spot.
"Wouldn't Violet be a more appropriate name?"
Not sure she even understood that whole sentence, she nodded hesitantly in agreement, then changed her mind. "Her name is Hello Kitty Frozen Blanket."
Wow. What a name.

Wasted Tears

Last night for dinner, Aubrey was in a very emotional mood, whining and crying over the simplest thing. It started with the her and Elijah going at it, and her hauling off and smacking her brother, then getting sent to her room. That in itself was a small struggle, so she had to wait a little bit before coming to the dinner table. She seemed in anguish about waiting for dinner, complaining that she was so hungry that her "belly ache." But when she finally was allowed to join us for dinner, her bowl of chilli must not have been what she expected, and she decided immediately that it was (the usual), "yucky." She whinned about the "white" (sour cream), and wanted it "out." Then she wanted a napkin to wipe it off her spoon. Then she sobbed about the yucky black things (beans) and begged to have them removed. And she was almost in tears when some of the chilli fell off her spoon. At that breakdown, I brokedown myself... in laughter. The absurdity of it all just overtook me and I busted out laughing. I also couldn't help myself in imitating the ridiculous display that I was witnessing. It's probably not the pinnacle of parenthood to mock your children, but I rather enjoyed complaining about the color and of my glass and the poor choice of direction of the wind.

But I also realize that I actually do this in reality. I complain about things that must seem absurd to our Heavenly Father. With such a limited perspective, it's easy to get tunnel vision and just see the tragedy of our food slipping off our spoon and think that the end is near. We fail to see how often our tears are wasted on unworthy issues... well, I know mine are. If only I would see things from my Father's perspective, then I could more accurately navigate through life and emotionally respond more appropriately to life's circumstances.

And for the record, Aubrey did finally eat her chilli in order to receive some precious fruit (some slices of pear and apple).

Worth It

This morning, before 5 a.m. I awoke to the soft calls of my daughter, "Mama, Daddy." I first gave a hopeful "shhhh." but once she repeated the call a minute later, I drug myself out of bed and went to her room. I asked from the doorway, "What is it, Sweety?" She responded, "I had a bad dweam las night," as if we were talking about the distant past. I went to her bed and sat down, granting her outstretched arms a hug. I then asked if she wanted me to pray for her. I could just make out her thumb nod with her head in the dark.

So I thanked God for his being with us, and asked him to let Aubrey feel conformed by Him, and to keep her thoughts on good things. When I finished, I gave her a kiss and was then granted two soft kisses. And that, made this early rise (where once again I can't go back to sleep) worth it.

Aubrey's Audibles, Part 7

New Bedtime Ritual
Aubrey has taken to taking her pajama pants off every night... and sometimes even the top. We've walked in there a few nights to cover her up, and find her curled up in her panties. The strangest part to me, is that it's winter, and we keep out house set at 67 degrees (which it does get a little warmer in the afternoon on those sunny days). The other night I came in to tuck her in, and she had already halfway disrobbed.
"Where are your pants?" I asked.
"I take dem off," she answered.
"Why?"
"Cause I was cold."
"Cold? Shouldn't you have been hot?"
"My bed Jammie's too comfy, and I wanted blanket-Ee on me."
I fail to see any logic in this conversation.

Wait, What?
On Halloween, Aubrey and Elijah received chocalate frogs from G-Mommy. But it was strange to hear my little girl say enthusiastically, "Mmmmm... That fwog is tasty!"

Hangry Tummy
A few weeks ago, she came to breakfast very hungry (probably after turning her nose up at dinner the night before).
"My belly is a monster!" she exclaimed.

Delighted Response
The other night, after we decorated for Christmas, we watched polar express with the kids. When Stephanie brought the kids hit chocolate, Aubrey expressed with an abundance of enthusiasm after the first sip, "It feels sooooo good!"

Soccer Squeeze, Season 1

Well, even though we lost that last game, we ended the season with a makeup game victory 6-0. The team was pulling for Elijah to score, but he ended the season without a goal. However, for his first season, he has drastically improved. He’s getting over his timidity to get in the fray, and his improved ability to kick the ball with power and accuracy has been impressive. And most importantly, he has developed a love for the game, a better understanding of teamwork, and several lessons learned (or at least opportunities for those teachable moments).

A few funny moments this season:

Since Elijah’s coach was Kevin Cheek, a friend we knew from church and familiar with Elijah’s nickname, the whole team knew Elijah as “Squeeze.” In fact, one official was under the impression that that was the team’s name after they heard the coaches and parents cheering, “Go Squeeze!”

After the last game and during our cookout celebration, Elijah’s trophy was missing from the lineup. He still got his photo with the coach, and later he got a cool T-shirt as an apology. In addition, no one else got their nickname on their trophy… a good teachable moment.

Elijah and I worked a lot together to develop his skill, and so I was often locked into the game to watch his performance. Sometimes I would just go, but there were several occasions that the whole family went to watch. On one occasion, I heard a stern, “Aubrey,” from Stephanie and turned my head to see Stephanie grabbing our daughter who had her pants around her ankle. She told us she needed to “pee.” She also told us she was “only kiddin.” I never know with her, but I could just hear Jeff Foxworthy saying, “If your daughter pulls her pants down at the soccer field to pee, you might be a redneck.”

Can’t wait for next season and what it might bring.

Sigh... Girls

With three kids, I've already discovered every one of them is different. But the most amazing difference is between boys and girls. And being a male myself, the perplexing activity most often comes from my daughter (I can often relate to the strange things that Elijah or Joshua do).

Aubrey has her morning ritual in which she requires her bowl of cereal, juice, vitamins, and wet wash cloth (to clean up her spillovers from her spoon). And if she is missing anything, she is prompt in letting Stephanie know.

Yesterday morning at about 4 a.m., I awoke to the fitful whining of a three year old. Then came the cries, "Mama. Daddy." I went in and covered her up, believing she said she was cold. I then went back to bed, only to hear the porcelain knock of the toilet lid. Seconds later I heard the slightly softer, "Daddy." I got back out of bed and went into the kids bathroom. Immediately she announces, "I peed." I help her out, and then washed my hands. As she pulled up her pants she whispered, "I don't need to wash my hands." I was too tired to really care, so I just said, "Let's get in bed." She climbed into bed, requested "med-sun" (medicine... a Tum) as relief for her "Beh-ee ach." Once I returned from retrieving one, I covered her up and laid next to her feet at the edge of the bed. A minute later she whispered, "I wanchoo to geh outta my woom now."

Elijah would be begging me to stay there all night, but not my little girl. She won't hesitate to shut the bathroom door in my face for "pivacy," unless it's 4 a.m. and she wants a Tum. But once she's got what she wants, she wants me out of there.